so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
