I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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