Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
