yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
