Christians are straight up FREAKS
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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