Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
