matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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