awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
