i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
