The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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