Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
