I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
