So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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