The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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