My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
