just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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