you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
