So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
