Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize