She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
