Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
pop tarts are not kleenex
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
