I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
