You're so nebulous sometimes
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
