the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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