it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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