By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!