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Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
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