i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment