Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.