I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
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Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have aggressive nipples.