Texts From Last Night

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  (256): View more from Alabama

  There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.

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  (256): There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it. http://tfl.nu/68k2
  Replies (17) Good night (872) Bad night (3242)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order

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  (847): then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order http://tfl.nu/len1
  Replies (11) Good night (926) Bad night (5498)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"

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  (573): So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX" http://tfl.nu/a1ku
  Replies (20) Good night (1651) Bad night (5585)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.

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  (314): Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning. http://tfl.nu/u08e
  Replies (7) Good night (3392) Bad night (924)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.

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  (575): you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat. http://tfl.nu/lmrm
  Replies (10) Good night (3042) Bad night (962)
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  (626): View more from California

  I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner

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  (626): I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner http://tfl.nu/0q4j
  Replies (4) Good night (3927) Bad night (933)
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  (681): View more from West Virginia

  Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.

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  (681): Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most. http://tfl.nu/7o83
  Replies (12) Good night (2219) Bad night (872)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good

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  (937): do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good http://tfl.nu/57yk
  Replies (2) Good night (1522) Bad night (661)
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  (353): View more from

  I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.

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  (353): I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina. http://tfl.nu/ajvp
  Replies (5) Good night (1383) Bad night (496)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.

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  (787): I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers. http://tfl.nu/zztx
  Replies (1) Good night (660) Bad night (929)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it

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  (802): I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it http://tfl.nu/32uz
  Replies (4) Good night (1191) Bad night (616)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Olive Garden will never be the same.

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  (803): She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH" (864): Olive Garden will never be the same. http://tfl.nu/o2p7
  Replies (10) Good night (1900) Bad night (846)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?

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  (309): Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs? http://tfl.nu/hddn
  Replies (3) Good night (924) Bad night (354)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.

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  (305): As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive. http://tfl.nu/jsq2
  Replies (6) Good night (1006) Bad night (383)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I also know you puked in your shoe.

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...

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  (940): I also know you puked in your shoe. (1-940): That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ... http://tfl.nu/2uzx
  Replies (2) Good night (296) Bad night (405)

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