I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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