I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
