glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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