He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
