She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
