Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
