Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
