Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
