I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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