Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
