Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
