you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
