She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
