im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
