Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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