the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
