Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
zippers are such a cool invention
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
