The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
