Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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