My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
