And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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