I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
