great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think I won the penis lottery.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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