I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
