so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
