Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
