He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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