Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
People in love make me want to vomit
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
