I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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