Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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