Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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