Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
