WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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