you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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