bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
