Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Rumble strips road head = magical
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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