Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
